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Travel Trizzle edition 2 Foshizzle

July 27, 2006

EDITION 2 – Originally written May 24 2006
Aloha again! I think I touched on Friday morning in the start of my last email, here’s the expanded version… Our second day at our resort was so much fun! First we learned hula dancing and we danced to the teacher singing and playing this drum that looked like a mutant butternut pumpkin coz it was so big! Our Hula was awesome because we suck3d but the audience still cheered for us! At 7pm the resort threw a hula dance, music and fireworks event! The interesting thing about hula dancing is that every move has a special meaning behind it, and in sequence, the moves tell a story, which adds a whole new dimension to the dance. For example picking a flower is one phrase, offering it to someone is another, looking for someone to give it to… The story that the dances told were just beautiful! Much different to the fragmented dancing my mates and I used to do in year 10 when we used to sneak into southpac underage and showed off all the classic moves like mowing the lawn, stacking the supermarket shelf, mixing the butter, holding up the ceiling… Anyway, we got some great ideas from hula, and we want to get some more lessons and hopefully merge some ideas from it into our salsa.

Saturday morning we moved hotels from hilton to marc suites. Marc suites is in ghettotown, we dumped all our non valuable stuff there and rolled on for lunch at a nearby food hall. If anyone wants to make a million bucks in America, I reckon all you gotta do is start a natural health food shop or a real café that makes coffee in a real espresso machine. I am so sick of the food in America, it is just terrible. Andrea asked some guy where we could find a nice restaurant and he said ‘what, like mcdonalds?’ There is just no good food around at all. Everything is either loaded with fat, msg, sugar or car oil! Some of the mincemeat behind the glass of the foodwarmers at the foodhall was so black I’m sure it was emptied out of a cars gearbox.
Sometimes the real dodgy car dealers will buy a used car. If the gears are grinding, they will jam raw steaks in the gearbox which helps to lubricate the changing of the gears and make the shifting feel smooth. I know this because it happened in Australia to someone I know! Some sucker buys the car and the gearbox might last for a few weeks before the steaks turns to mince and the gearbox gets clunky again. The sucker then goes back to the dodgy car dealer and trades the car in for a better model, the dealer then drains the mincemeat from the gearbox and sells it to the takeaways at the foodhalls! The cycle repeats! I got my grub at joes hamburgers coz the sign said ‘made from fresh beef daily’. Dave and Andrea ate mexican. Angie arrived from australia on the plane the same morning and we couldn’t contact her – just by chance she rolled into the same joint at the same time we were there eatin lunch.

Saturday afternoon, we hired segways for a couple of hours, Segways are these amazing electric two wheeled platforms with handlebars. To drive it, you stand on the platform. Your weight controls the movement, all you have to do is put pressure onto the ball of your foot for forwards and put pressure onto the back of your heel to go backwards. Turns are controlled by a motorbike style throttle. I want to buy one to drive to work on but they cost almost $10000, which is way more than my honda! We drove them to this place called diamond head, which got its name from the rocks in the area that used to be sold as ‘hawaiin diamonds’, and of course they aren’t really diamonds. I think the guide said it was calcite. The highlight of the trip for me was at waikiki beach when we drove past this guy that looked like he jumped right out of a Marvel comicbook. This may well have been the real life person that the character wolverine was based on. He was dressed in the full outfit complete with stick on claws and hairy chops. He was running along looking menacing and throwing punches into the air at random in every direction! He had a cigger in his mouth which might as well have been a crack pipe. According to our segway guide, he trains every day at the same time in the afternoon. I tried to shoot him with my tranqualizer gun so I could get a photo but he was too quick. At the end of the trip, the segway guides handed a credit card tip ticket to dave and I only. I thought you rude people and tipped them a measly 4%. I ain’t going to start supporting a culture where the guy pays for everything!
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daves-pics-082-small.jpgOur first night in the ghettotown hotel was terrible, we are in a non smoking room that’s been smoked in, there’s gangsters fighting out the window, the occassional police siren and the air conditioner rattles like my first mitsubishi SIKma. I’m thinking about walking into one of those shops off the street that have pictures of the m-16 assault rifles! I’ll buy one and get them to throw in a free pair of earplugs so at least i’ll be able to sleep at night!

Sunday afternoon, we went on a bus tour around the south end of Oahu island.
We saw some beaches with some dumpers of waves and some exstinked volcanoes.
We also saw some people filming a bit of the tv show called lost and a bunch of famous houses and beaches etc that bits of magnum pi, hawaiin 5o and gilligans island was filmed at. There was a few other famous tv show stuff that we missed coz the bus driver had her left and right mixed up. By the end of the trip half the bus had figured that out so when she was saying look to the right, we’d naturally look to the left and vice versa!
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Sunday night we hit up this mad salsa venue at sheraton called esprit lounge. The girls arranged to meet up with this guy called Greg the salsaman, we all danced and it was heaps fun. We also met this guy called Judah who is the best salsa dancer I have ever seen perform live! He is arranging for us to perform tuesday night at Zanzabar at the other sheraton hotel…

Monday morning, we did another tour, this time to pearl harbour. We saw a good doco there with original footage that showed how hard America got caned there by the japanese. We got a bunch of photos there of the memorial, a submarine and a battleship… Monday afternoon we took surfing lessons on malibu boards, which was pretty sik, the instructor thought dave was a champion surfer because he dissapeared after the first wave and the instructor thought he had enough of him. I thought he got ate by a shark coz he can’t surf for sh1te. The truth is he spotted a hot ch1ck on the big waves up the back so he ditched us!
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Monday night we went to the international street market. We were shopping for trashy presents. My rule is to always offer 1/4 to 1/3 for any given item. This technique worked well for me in hong kong like 6 months ago. In hong kong, the street sellers will not let you go until you’ve bought their item. They even grab you by the arm, do most of the talking and lower the price the further you try to walk away from them. In waikiki, they wouldn’t take any cr&p at all. The responses I personally received after making my offer varied from;
1) them going silent so I walked off
2) physically slapping me on the cheek or hitting me on the forehead like they were banishing a demon from my body
3) putting the price up triple what they initially quoted
4) told me I had a fever and that I needed to see a doctor
5) They even tried telling me that Dave stole one of their $2.50 hulu god statues items (after he walked off) and that I had to pay them for it!!
They just didn’t act happy when i bargained with them, in general it’s still easy to get at least 50-60% off the price of trashy presents and its fun to test them. We noticed that most stands have the same products. According to our hotel receptionist, this is because they all buy them from the same shop at our hotel called betty’s imports.

Tuesday (this) morning, we got up at 5am and a boat took us out to snorkel around the coral and swim with dolphins and turtles. The coral was mostly dead, probably coz of a power factory on the shore that spits out hot water among other things. However the dolphins loved it and at one point I counted
12 of them swimming just below my body, young and old. It was unreal! I wanted to ride on their backs but the guy that ran the boat kept saying it was a federal offence and we’d get locked down. We also saw a few turtles, which was pretty cool. None of today anyway near compares to what I’ve seen in Australia though at the great barrier reef, so if anyone wants to see what lies beneath the sea, go there. Its way more colourful and alive…
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Anyway, I gotta cruise, hang tight for the Third edition!
Andrew

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